Cool stories about the stock market. Stock market jokes and stock market jokes

Hello Vladimir!
I, convulsively chewing, mumble into the phone ...
- Hello, Vladimir, can you hear me?
I almost chewed...
- Vladimir, why are you silent?
I finally finished and say:
– Mouth busy)
The client killed me just on the spot, he asked:
- FOR LONG???
So, then we laughed for a long time)))

History in the fitness center

My story: I am a sales manager at a fitness center. An ordinary working day, I go out to meet the client, I hold a club show, a presentation of club cards ... After a short communication, one might say, at the moment of making a decision, the client carefully asks me: “And when it will be possible to discuss my purchase with the manager, I would like to chat?"

P.S.: In the evening, when I took off the badge, I saw that it was not mine. It was written there: "Irina, massage therapist." Apparently she left it on my table, it happens with us ...

Case with a colleague

The incident happened to my colleague. As a rule, managers have at hand, in addition to the phone and Email there are a number of different messengers.

There are a lot of contacts, and this is one of the most quick ways respond to a customer's question. So, one of the working days, my colleague received a question in ICQ about a request for components. The question came from a friend named Igor. Exactly the same request to my colleague came in the morning by e-mail. mail.

My colleague has a friend who works in the same field as us, and his name is Igor. 100% sure that this request was from his client, my colleague writes to his friend in ICQ that he received this request from the client today, and why, in fact, he is interested in this request. To which he received an answer that it was he who sent this request and decided to clarify how things were progressing there.

My colleague was a little confused, but refused to capitulate. Being an impulsive person (and communication with a friend was informal), my colleague, feeling that he was being bred, went on the offensive. With the words “Yes, why are you here for me .... shh, it’s definitely not you who sent this request, ”he brought down a bunch of indignation at Igor. But on the other side of the screen, a response wave of indignation went, they say so and so, but I sent it, etc. with the same turns and embellishments of Russian speech.

Ten minutes of verbal skirmish could have continued for a long time, but then my colleague received a message in ICQ and the window blinked. Opening it, he saw that his friend Igor had written to him, and on the other side of the screen, there was exactly the client who sent the request. This is where the realization came. After all, yesterday my colleague, sending contacts to a new client after tel. call, indicated one of the means of communication - ICQ. The client decided to quickly resolve the issue, but it wasn’t there ... 😀 I had to, of course, later apologize to the chief engineer of the enterprise Igor Petrovich, but this is one of our best customers.

Stock market jokes and stock market jokes

Yes, what is this again for the breakdown of the fractal according to Demark through Fibonacci !!! - thought the trader and cursed dirty.

A stockbroker is asked to explain what the stock game is all about. “Imagine,” he says, “that you buy a pair of rabbits and put them in one cage. After a while, you already have six rabbits. You buy a bigger cage and put them in there. Some time later, you have twenty of these rabbits. Buy more rabbits and soon you will have more than a hundred of them. - How simple! - the interlocutor is surprised. - Yes, and then suddenly a flood, and all your rabbits died and you suffer from morning to night with the thought: "Damn it, why didn't I buy mirror carps!"

How to play and win on the stock exchange

First Rule of the Exchange. Who knows - does not speak, who speaks - does not know. Second Rule of the Exchange. If everyone thinks prices will go up, prices won't go up.

A hero trader is driving along the road, he sees - there is a fork ahead, three roads, a stone, and on the stone there is an inscription:
"If you go to the left, you will get a moose; if you go to the right, you will get a moose; if you go straight, you will also get a moose." I began to think - where to go, if there is such an ambush everywhere. Then a voice from above: "Hey, decide quickly, otherwise you will get an elk right here !!!"

There is a mountain shepherd grazing sheep. Suddenly, a turntable sits down, a young man comes out,immaculate suit and tie. "Are you a shepherd?" Silence. Look... He takes out a laptop, connects to the satellite.— See? Here is a picture. Here you can clearly see that behind that slope the grass is greener and juicier. Youagree? I see that they agree. You need to bring the flock here. Do you want to be chosen for your haul routes? Please! There are three routes. I answer right away that you cannot go along this route: you see, there are wolves here.
Of the remaining two, this one is shorter, which means you are on it. As a fee, I take one sheep ... And he goes to the helicopter, but suddenly he hears: - You, probably, have been doing consulting for a long time ... - Yes, but how do you know? - Wa-first, you appeared, although no one called. Wow, you ask questions yourself and you answer them yourself. Thirdly, the palages of the dog on the mesto ...

WHAT IS THE FOREX MARKET

Three analyst-economists on the hunt. They see a big deer. One aims, shoots, missed - a meter to the left. The second - aims, shoots, did not hit - a meter to the right. Third analyst, without firing: "Well, on average we killed him!"

The analyst is asked: - Tell me, do your forecasts always coincide? - Of course, always, only the dates sometimes do not coincide ...

Two traders went on a trip to hot-air balloon. Suddenly a strong wind came up, and the friends lost their course. Having descended to a height of 20 meters, they saw a man below: - Hey, buddy, tell me, where did we end up? - You are in a balloon 20 meters above the ground. - The answer is absolutely accurate and completely useless. Looks like we met a stock analyst?! - Yes. And you, probably, traders, you never know where you are.

2 financial analysts meet: - Listen, what's going on? - I can explain... - I can explain too. WHAT IS GOING ON???!!!

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Why did you decide to work on the stock exchange? Do you have experience or economic education? - Well, I watched The Wolf of Wall Street.

Dad, I want to be a trader.

Only through my corpse.

Well, anyway, I've already leaked 100 grand on the exchange...

The daughter says to her mother - Mom, I'm marrying a trader!
Mother - Are you crazy daughter, he is rich today and poor tomorrow, he is always better for an analyst
"chocolate"!

The trader returned home drunk after the party and said to his wife: - Bring a bowl, now I'll puke. The wife brought a basin, set it up and waited, 5 minutes passed, she: - Well, what are you, come on already. - Sorry, dear, but the trend turned around sharply - I crap myself!

John Rockefeller dreamed of earning $100,000 and living to be 100 years old... but he earned $318 billion and died at 97. Not all dreams come true...

A Jewish banker has died. Relatives swarm around the coffin. It's time to start the funeral process, and they all do not stop their fuss. The manager enters the room. Manager: What's the problem? Its time to begin. One of the relatives: - Oh, you understand, the late Izya Markovich in his will asked to put all his money in his coffin. We have already rammed them, but they still do not all fit. Steward: - oh, sho, you don't know what to do? Write him a check!

A journalist asks Soros:

George, did your wife instruct you in these horns?

No... exchange...

- Played for promotion?

No ... "moose" caught

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Two traders come out of the stock exchange, one in his shorts, the other completely naked. Naked says that inshorts: -Here Vasya, for which I respect you, you can stop in time.

What is a default? A default is when you order a currency prostitute who also takes hryvnia at the exchange rate, and after one hour there is not enough hryvnia to pay.

The trader lies on the couch, does nothing, laziness in short. Lost on the eve of the ashes ... On colaflew out ... In the scrap finally move ... Lies to himself and looks out the open window. And he thinks: "Now, if a fly flies through the window for a minute, then I will become rich and great ..." Waiting ... half a minute passes ... does not fly ... 45 seconds pass ...
The man is already nervously dangling his leg... 50 seconds pass, he is already sweating... And then, at the 53rd second, such a fat fly flies in... The trader smiled contentedly, sighed with relief, closed his eyes and fell asleep...

The new Russian attended lectures on stock trading and calls a friend: - Kolyan, I was on courses on stock trading, so imagine, the lecturer said that stocks do not grow without
kickbacks. It turns out that here, too, you will have to spend money on kickbacks - complete chaos!

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It's nice to look at the sea! You look at the shore and there - rollback after rollback ...

Spring Dialogue. - And no one noticed the connection between air temperature and the dollar? - But there is a connection between the dollar exchange rate and cranial pressure and adrenal function ...

EARN ON FOREX YOUR 1000 000

Two traders stand near the toilet and one asks the other: - Are you long or short?

Two stock speculators: - Now I can't sleep because of this crisis. - I sleep like a baby. - Can't be! - Yes, every hour I wake up and cry!

I found a large selection of trader's jokes. I cut it a little, cleaning out the frank slag. Left what I liked.

The director of a brokerage company conducts an interview with applicants for the position of sales: - So, what is your education? - Seven classes! - Good! - At your place? - MSU! - Why are you mumbling, can you read something?

A poem about how the Chukchi traded on the stock exchange.
Exchange - very interesting, I wanted to trade. I concluded the contract, Broker began to conjure.
The list of stocks showed, He told me about liquidity, About leverage and margin call. My load was heavy.
I see - the schedule is moving, My RAO to buy. Well, in the evening, dog, It began to fall.
My very angry And to calculate the losses. After this calculation, it became difficult to sleep at night.
Chief Analyst in the morning Strongly criticize Sber. My quick thinking Short rather open.
Sber, as the tank crawls higher and higher. My nerves are lacking. He knocked over a stack of vodka And turn off the computer.
The phone bell rang. This is the broker saying All positions are closed. The account is almost going to zero.
Mine grieved for a long time. All had a headache. One hundred deer lost For some couple of days.
The stock exchange is no joke. Here you need to have brains. I'd rather herd the deer and shoot the seals

Dialogue between two brokers: - Hello, why are you so sad? - Yes, my boss called me to the carpet today for my forecast for the Euro. - Yes well, and that - yelled? - No, - anal ...

The Minister of Health came to one of the maternity hospitals with a check. He walks, looks and asks to show him directly the room where the babies are after childbirth. They brought him to a large hall, where there is a huge conveyor and the kids go along it and are distributed according to some kind of program. At the beginning of the conveyor there is a kid and after one grabs a newborn and beats his head against a tiled wall, after which he returns to the conveyor. Minister coming to his senses: - What are you doing??!!! The kid, without looking up from the process, in a bass voice: - The country lacks analysts!!!

Wall Street... A broker comes up to Soros and says: - If you want, I'll make you a millionaire... - Stay away from me, stay away... answered Soros...

A rumpled trader enters a pharmacy on Friday: - I heard you have candles, please give me one. - To you what, from hemorrhoids or contraceptives? - I'm white, and more authentic ...

Two traders stand near the toilet and one asks the other: - Are you long or short?

An analyst and a trader come to the races. A trader runs to the window to make a bet, and the analyst says that he first needs to learn the rules, calculate the betting technique, track trends, analyze information ... - You are thinking too theoretically! After the run, the beaming trader takes profits. A bewildered analyst approaches him. Trader: - Everything is very simple. I've broken the tech! - And what is she like? - Everything is very simple. I have two children, three and five years old. I just added up their ages, got nine, and bet on this horse! - But five and three will be eight!? - Nu I same say, you think too theoretically!

A portfolio investor is a failed trader. A strategic investor is a failed portfolio investor.

From analysts' reports: Today, during another collapse in the US stock market, shares of Smith and Wesson, a manufacturer of revolvers, have risen sharply in price. Also in the commodity markets there was a sharp increase in sales of hemp and soap ...

A trader comes to the income declaration department individuals, submits a declaration: Tax inspector: “Dear, you wanted to hide most of your income from the state! According to our data for the past year, you bought a car, an apartment, a dacha, and the declaration says only 100,000 rubles” Trader: “It’s not my fault that your “Income” column is so small that all the zeros did not fit”

The trader is standing in front of the monitor. The collapse on the charts is fantastic. And he stands there calmly, hands in his pockets. Looks at the Monique. Another runs past. Runs up and yells: - Et what, you're in longs with shoulders! Right now, it will take out on cola! - Well ... - Are you a fool, or what?! Yes, if I were you, I would be running around here, yelling, tearing my hair out, and you? - And I can tear ...

A trader, having lost a large amount on the Stock Exchange, sits in the kitchen, drinks vodka and indulges in thinking aloud: - How tired I am of all this. How disgusting everything is! One dream - to die as soon as possible! Opens the gas in the stove. He loses consciousness and passes out... Voice-over: - Gazprom. Dreams Come True.

What is the difference between praying in a church and in a dealing room? - Those in the dealing room do it much sincerely.

Who are you? - I'm a good fairy. - And why with a scythe? - Yes, something in the mood in the morning is bad ...

A little boy played on the stock exchange, He sold and bought shares Quietly, without noise, screams and groans He lost 900 million

Trader in a pharmacy: - You have Activated carbon there is? - Yes, what happened? - I hit a double bottom.

We began to live better, the government said. “We are happy for you,” the people thought.

Traders love to watch the surf from the shore: Pullback after pullback.

The broker was out of work, got a job at the market to sell vegetables.
A man approaches such a seller: - for what potatoes?
Former broker: - bid or offer?

Two analysts set up a sign on the road that reads STOP, THE END IS NEAR, TURN BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. A beautiful sports car drives past them at great speed, the driver-trader screams and waves his fist: - Damn talkers, fools, sectarians, you got it already ... !!! The car is hiding around the corner, a roar and a loud gurgling can be heard from there ... One analyst says to another: - You were probably right, you should have simply written - “BRIDGE IS DESTROYED!”

From an interview with a trader: - How did you achieve such success? Did you have $100,000 in your account in a month? - Nothing complicated. I opened a deposit for a million a month ago ...

ANALYST TO A TRADER: Do you remember, I told you three months ago that the situation on the market "simply does not get worse"? - How can I not remember, because then I bought the shares. - So, then everything was just wonderful.

Lately it has become so hard to steal money that it feels like I am earning it ...

Paradise. Check-in queue. Long-th ... Suddenly they look, angels are walking, leading a little man. Small, bald, jerky. And past the whole line straight to the best palace. Then the Pope indignantly: “What the fuck! I’m here, you understand, Papa, all righteous, the vicar of God, and you are resettling some sinners in front of me in the best apartments! And the archangel answers him: “Here, you understand, the Popes without you are like uncut dogs, and an honest broker got caught for the first time ...”

The guy became interested in Forex and can not tear himself away from the computer. The parents called the doctor. The doctor examined him and said: - He will have to be treated! Parents: - How? - Well, how-how ... the old fashioned way ... Cigarettes, booze, girls ...

A new happy client of the investment company, after the conclusion of the contract, flies out elated into the street, sees a fortune-teller, holds out his palm: - Tell me, my dear! A gypsy, looking at her hand: - What's there to guess: it's already late ...

In the life of every person there may come a moment when any paper will be valuable.

Stock exchanges are in a panic - Moldova again raised the price of dill.

Riddle for a trader: - Shines, but does not heat? ... - Margin call!

In addition to other people's Stop-Loss, there are other joys of life.

A sad trader sits at a table in a bar and looks thoughtfully into a glass. A big man walks into the bar, walks up to his table and brazenly drinks his glass of whiskey. The trader raises his miserable eyes and says to the tall man: - Well, why did you drink my drink, why???!!! The big man replies a little embarrassedly: - When I have money, I will buy you a new one, but don't be upset ... - How can I not be upset? All my shares collapsed, I go to the bank and find out there that it has gone bankrupt, and when I leave the bank building, I also see that my car was stolen! And now you drank my poison and I don’t know what to do now ...

Two businessmen meet. One to the other: - I got 1.5 billion on stocks - I lost 2.5 billion on real estate - Yes, business, the crisis is. So, is there anything positive? - Yes, heifers again for 100 dollars.

And Cinderella lost her shoe at midnight ... and another shoe ... and all her fortune ... That's how bad the market closed!

Coupe of the train. A man comes in - all so pretentious. With latest laptop. Sits down. It immediately starts to click. Father comes in. Handsome, with a beard. Gets bacon, cucumbers. Home. - Well, that - my son, little by little. - Yes, what are you, father - I don’t drink, and there is a lot of work - stocks are jumping. Father ate. Pleased. - Well, son - maybe in cards. - No - what are you, father. I do not play. Yes, and work. Currency jumps. Every minute is millions of dollars. Batiushka sat for a while and went out into the corridor. Returns with two cool aunts. - My son, - there are wonderful neighbors. Invite. - No, what are you, father. I can not. A lot of work. The father returns in the morning - satisfied. Neighbor sits - sad. - Father. Tell me. I do not drink. I do not smoke. I don't play with girls. I work all the time. But somehow I don't feel satisfied. Maybe I live wrong? - No, my son. You live right. But in vain.

Conversation of two traders: - What are you reading? - Elliott wave theory. - What about upside down? - What's the difference…

A familiar girl comes to the trader and says: - Dear, we will now have a futures, delivery - in 9 months!

Dad, will the crisis affect us? - Son, it will affect the oligarchs, and we - kapets.

We have just been informed that REPO operations have been resumed in the interbank market. A kilogram of REPO is exchanged for 2 kilos of TURBE or one and a half kilos of CARTO from the previous year's harvest.

In general, trading is an exciting and enjoyable experience. The main thing is to choose the right antidepressants ...

Dropped a bear on the floor
Tore off the bear's paw
A broom is inserted into the bear's ass
- Margin Call, and no money.

At the international yoga competition, the first place was taken by a trader who had been trading on the stock exchange with bated breath for 43 years.

Traders go by car around the city. The flow starts from the traffic light and one car rushes from row to row all the time, cuts everyone off, but at the next traffic light they all drive up together ... and so three times ... one trader asks another: - do you happen to know where such riders come from? - most likely it is a pipser.

A phrase from the Trust Deed: “In case of unexpected success……”

Previously, in such a volatile market, you sometimes wanted to take a glass or two. And now I don’t want to miss a single glass at all ...

Girl, are you dancing? -Yes. -Thank God! And I thought that you were flipped by “stop-losses”!

Ad:
- We will hire a trader, education, gender and age do not matter, the salary is very high, free work schedule, vacation - anywhere in the world, at any time. The job is simple: buy low, sell high.

A bad trader and a broker interfere.

Well, how did you feel during the opening of the first position?
- Like a bull running towards a train.

Analysts' comment: - Now the market is undergoing a downward correction, within the framework of an upward trend, which fits into the lateral movement of the market. We will fall until we rise.

Trader at the barbershop. The hairdresser asks:

Trader:
- Normalized.
After a while the hairdresser asks again:
- Well, how is the situation on the stock exchange?
Trader:
- Normalized.
After another 5 minutes, the situation repeats itself. Finally, the trader cannot stand it and asks why the hairdresser is interested in the stock exchange?
The hairdresser:
- Because when you remember about the stock exchange, your hair on your head stands on end, and it’s more convenient for me to cut my hair like that.

Hooray! I guessed the entry point... ... Eh, I made a mistake with the direction.

The first place in the All-Russian competition of jokes was awarded to the Central Bank for the phrase of its chairman: "The situation in the banking sector will stabilize and very soon depositors will again have nothing to lose!"

If your doorbell rang and they said they came with a warrant. Be sure to specify with which one, Stop-Loss or Take-Profit. If the callers don't have either, don't open the door.

John Smith, who jumped out of the window of the 75th floor on Wall Street, after hitting the ground, jumped 10 meters, which somewhat won back his fall.

Trader: “A crisis is worse than a divorce! I have already lost half of my fortune, and my wife is still left ... "

Director - subordinates:
- Here you are all complaining about the crisis, about the deterioration of life due to the economic situation ... And by the way, your salary is 75% higher this year!!!
- Excuse me, higher than in what year?
- In the next...

Dialogue of traders: - Did your wife set these horns on you? - No... stock exchange... - Did you play for a raise? - No ... "moose" caught.

People who go into finance are like holes in cheese. The more cheese, the more holes. But the more holes, the less cheese.

A large investment firm has made changes to its investment portfolio: 50% cash and 50% canned food.

The stockbroker made a huge amount of money for good luck. A lot and quite unexpectedly. Almost like I found it. Being not a greedy person, he gave away part of the money to his friends, saying - "give it away at my funeral." Time passed.. One friend became a doctor. The second is a politician. The third - went the way of the financier. When their benefactor died, they all came to the funeral to fulfill their last duty to a friend, including financial. The doctor said - "I spent more than I earned" and put 1/10 of the debt in the coffin. The politician said - "I promise that I will give the rest when we meet again in another life" and put down 1/5 of the debt. The financier came up and said - "You know me, my friend, I'm not such a miser as my comrades - I'll give you everything right now" - and with these words he put his nominal bill immediately issued in the name of the deceased into the coffin.

Two stock brokers: - I still can't sleep after that crisis. - I sleep like a baby. - Can't be! - Yes, every hour I wake up and cry!

Broker Bartender: - Another 100 grams of investment, and I - real estate!

Late evening. Two brokers, tired, look out the window - Listen, the snow is falling. - We'll wait another five minutes and we'll take it.

A drunk broker in a bar calls a juicy blonde to him. - Honey, what will you tell me if I offer 100 bucks for the evening? - The answer will be. - What if I offer only 10 bucks? - The answer will be, goat, are you holding me for a whore, or what? - No, I just measure the spread.

Bank conversation: - You know, I want to make a small business ... - Well, buy a big one and just wait a bit.

Autumn day 2010, six in the morning. Two janitors meet. One is staring at the other. - You have such a familiar face! - And I saw you somewhere... What bank did you work for?

A customer comes to the bank to withdraw money. Cashier: No money. Client: - It is very necessary. Cashier: Why? Client: - Pay for the apartment. Cashier: - Pay by transfer. Client: - Damn, I want to eat, give me money - I'll go to a restaurant. Cashier: - You have a card. Pay with a VISA, but we cannot give you money. Client (angrily): - Give me my money! Maybe I want to pick up a prostitute! Cashier (pointing to tellers): - Please choose!

There's a traffic jam on a London street. Noticing a policeman, one of the drivers asks him: - What happened? - Due to problems in the economy, the prime minister fell into depression, stopped his car in the middle of the street and now threatens to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He gets frustrated because no one believes in his ability to save us from the crisis. To console the head of government, we started collecting donations. - Have you already collected a lot? - So far, about 40 gallons, but many still continue to drain gasoline.

A politician, a gangster and a trader have gone to hell. The politician asks Satan to call, they say, how is my country, my people. Satan holds out a mobile - call. The politician talked quickly for 5 minutes, found out everything, returned the mobile phone. -How much do I have to pay? - 5 million ... I squealed, but wrote out a check. Bandyuk brothers asks to call - please! Called back in a couple of minutes. - How? - 10 million ... There was nothing to do, I had to pay. The trader says: “Let me call, I need to talk with my colleagues.” I talked for 15 hours about quotes, about futures, about shoulders, about the situation on the market, and I didn’t even forget to discuss the topic of boobs. He fought back, asking: "How much from me?" Devil: "Ten bucks and change, forget it, I'm sorry." The politician with the bandyuk yelled: “What the hell, what the fuck .....!”. And Satan says: "Calls from Hell to Hell are charged as local

It is always easy to recognize an unemployed trader selling potatoes in the bazaar - he has two prices: for buying and for selling ...

One broker calls another:
- Hello, please ask Vasya.
- This is Vasya.
- Vasya, hello, this is Kolya, how are you?!
- Hi good!
Oh, sorry, I don't seem to be in the right place...

An exchange analyst enters the elevator, brokers are standing inside and sarcastically asking: - Well, at least now, can you say for sure - up or down?

Exchange. Brokers are rushing about in the operating room, each has three phones, everyone is yelling: - Bring it to 2! Take it! Roll 10 and deal! 4 down!
Suddenly, one of the brokers stops talking, looks out the window, and there is winter, beauty. And says:
Guys, it's snowing...
Silence instantly reigns in the hall. And in a second - the cry of the chorus of brokers:
- Sell!!!

The wife asks the trader:
- Dear, we have been married for 7 years, but you have never told me what you do at work.
- You see, dear, how could I explain it to you in a simpler way ... Imagine, we went to the market yesterday and bought a lot of live rabbits, and today there was a flood and all the rabbits drowned. And here we are sitting and thinking, and that we didn’t buy fish yesterday.

The broker dies, a team of resuscitators rushes over him. Electric shock, artificial respiration.
- We're losing him!
- Pulse?
- 9...8...7...6...5...
The dying man jumps:
- Drops to 3 - start buying!!!

Wife to her husband, reading a crossword puzzle: - A fallen creature, a word of five letters, the last one is a soft sign?
Husband immediately:
- Ruble!

The Pound and the Dollar sit on the stock exchange. Then the door swings open, and Euro enters - young, beautiful, slender, in a short skirt. The dollar immediately rushed to her. The Pound, holding the Dollar, says: "Oh, youth! Look, do not pick up inflation!"

The analyst is asked: - Tell me, do your forecasts always coincide?
- Of course, always, only the dates sometimes do not coincide ...

Hy, how are you doing at school?
- Excellent! Bought options to retake exams!

A full p@@dets is when you mark the annual profit on a trading account at McDonald's...

Yesterday the cleaning lady of Gazprom, wiping the laptop CEO, entered into a multi-million dollar contract for the supply of orarpezhdkuopfcd ...

How to raise the stock market in Russia? - It is necessary to replace the president with the surname Medvedev with the president with the surname Bykov!

A trader who jumped out of a window on the 75th floor on Wall Street, after hitting the ground, jumped 10 meters, which somewhat won back his morning fall...

Every trader thinks about tomorrow. What will it be, this bottom?

In general, trading is an exciting and enjoyable experience. The main thing is to choose the right antidepressants ...

Captain, captain! Iceberg on the course of the ship!!! -Iceberg? on the course of the ship? no it's expensive...

Stop loss is the amount of a predetermined loss at which the trader is still able to control himself.

Personally, I invest in vodka! Where else can you get 40%?

In connection with the sharp depreciation of the ruble, the Central Bank proposed to change the name of the national currency by removing the first letter.

The death penalty was replaced by a mortgage at 25% per annum.

Most traders don't suffer from megalomania....they enjoy it.

I want to be uranium, in the sense that they enrich me.

Hello dear traders and readers of UTmag. I bring to your attention some interesting and informative facts about the stock exchange that interested me, I hope they will interest you too. 1. There are several versions of the origin of the concept “”, in one of which it takes its roots from the surname Van Der Burce, who was a Dutch merchant. The fact is that in the thirteenth century in the city of Bruges, he provided a place near his house, where various merchants and merchants gathered, most of whom were money changers. By the way, there were three wallets on his family coat of arms, which inclines many to this particular version. The second version includes the Latin word bursa - leather purse. In many European languages, this word has common root stems, so in French the word boursa simultaneously means a student scholarship, as well as an exchange. AT German this word will be borse, and in Italian borsa. It is also interesting that in the Middle Ages in Western Europe this was the name of the hostel for not wealthy university students. 2. We all know such concepts as "bulls" and "bears", but where did these concepts come from? Why are short traders called "bears" and those who are bullish? The bottom line is that this is connected precisely with the behavior of these animals, as follows: bears hit with their paw down, and bulls, on the contrary, with their horns up. 3. The largest stock exchange is New York. It so happened that in the Russian financial-slang language she was called Nyusya. This happened because of the abbreviation NYSE - New York Stock Exchange. 4. How did stock trading begin in New York? In 1792, about twenty merchants agreed that if the weather would be clear, they would gather under the poplar tree, and if it was cloudy, at the Francis Tavern. Although now the exchange itself is located on Wall Street, neither the rules nor the size of the commission have changed since then. 5. Did you know that the participants of the exchange work on the principle: "Who is louder - the most profitable"? This fact was perfectly furnished in his novel by N. Nosov: “Dunno on the Moon” it can be called a fascinating trading textbook for children. In the novel of all brokers
he called gorloderiks and screamers, and so that they did not create unnecessary noise, they worked in the middle of the lakes at the exchanges that anchored there. 6. Sometimes traders themselves, in order to stand out from the “horloders” and “screamers”, put on huge heels so that they were better visible. It was because of this that in the year 2000, the Chicago Stock Exchange passed a regulation that limited the height of the heels of traders. The purpose of this resolution was to reduce injuries. 7. In 2009, the Finance magazine held interesting experiment: What income will the monkey make up? Thirty cubes with companies that place their shares on the stock exchange were placed in front of the monkey, of which he chose eight. At the end of the year, summing up the results, the monkey showed more income than the investments of NINETY-FOUR percent (94%) of Russian collective managers. 8. Interestingly, the exchange in Chinese will be -交易所 (Jiaoisuo). This word will consist of 2 parts. The first part, also known as the first two hieroglyphs (交易), denotes trade. The second part (所) denotes a place. That is, "a place of trade." You can even say that the words "exchange", as in Russian, in Chinese no. but there is a "place of trade" that is understandable even to anyone not connected with finances. It is curious that the word "fair" has the same basis, differing only in one hieroglyph. That is, for the Chinese there is no difference between a fair and an exchange, which is essentially true.

Wall Street Stories

Wall Street Stories

One enterprising and successful Wall Street trader hung a horseshoe over his desk for good luck. Colleagues laugh: "Boy, do you really believe in such prejudices ?!" "Well, of course not. But, they say, this thing works whether you believe in it or not!"

In New York, three homeless beggars sit on Wall Street. They serve badly. One found a cardboard box and wrote "homeless" on it. By evening, they threw him 3 dollars 5 cents. The second took a piece of cardboard and wrote: "homeless.com". By evening, he had a laptop and a 256K channel. And the third wrote: "e-homeless". Microsoft immediately awarded him a million-dollar contract to develop the e-homeless Millenium Internet commerce project. By evening, all of New York was talking about him. Oracle announced 100% support for e-homeless technology. VISA and Europay announced the start of promotion of joint brands with the e-homeless company. During the night, the companies "HighTech-e-homeless", "CyberBroker-e-homeless", "OnLineTrader-e-homeless" and "Mobil-e-homeless-Telecom" were urgently created. In the morning on the stock exchanges around the world there was a landslide fall of all non-e-homeless companies....

A new trader gets a job in a financial company. At the interview he is asked: - Why were you fired from your previous job? - For health. - What hurt? - My boss was sick, not me. Every time he saw the results of my work, he felt bad. It couldn't go on like this for long, one of us had to leave.

In New York, a stock market analyst died in extreme poverty. His comrades, brokers and traders, decided to organize a fundraiser for the funeral of the poor fellow. One buck. Upon learning of this, the President of the New York stock exchange exclaimed, "One dollar for an analyst's funeral?!!! Here's a check for $10,000 and bury them all!"

The famous American banker John P. Morgan in 1929, a few days before the stock market crash, managed to get rid of almost all the shares he owned. The commission of the US Congress suspected Morgan of using insider information and manipulating the market. The banker explained that he was helped to save his capital from the crisis by a shoe shiner who, while cleaning his shoes, inquired about the prospects for the shares of the railway company that he had bought. "When a shoe shiner enters the market, there is nothing more for professionals to do on it," the financier decided.

A broker of a small investment company, reading the latest financial news, says to his colleague: - Look, another financial giant fell, and this one also covered up, ... and that one went bankrupt. So soon we will enter the top ten.

Announcement: Let's hire a trader, gender and age do not matter, salary is very high, free work schedule, vacation - anywhere in the world, at any time. Condition: Buy low, sell high.

New York. Noon. Heat. Old Jew Moishe sells seeds on the marble stairs of the Bank of New York. They turn to him: "Moishe. Give me a loan." "It's not possible," he replies. "We have an agreement with the Bank of New York." "I don't lend, and the Bank of New York doesn't sell seeds!"